Comedy Douche...Clean it out!

I was flipping between Football and Comedy Central tonight and it hit me. I need to address my growing dissatisfaction with comedians. There's a glut of really stupid comedians out there whose acts are tired and useless. They talk and I don't laugh, I cringe. Which brings me to a much larger issue...when did comedy become so stupid? I can't turn on the TV without seeing someone making an infantile comment about their anatomy, or a poop joke. Where's the intelligence? Wit has been replaced with tawdry cracks.

So tonight I give you my top 5 list of comedians who I would just as soon see dragged under a bus as listen to for any amount of time. Side note...I want to drive the dragging bus.

#1 Jim Breuer. OK, here's a guy that hasn't been funny since...forever. I caught his latest comedy special on Comedy Central and he's still making the same stupid jokes he's been making since the 80s. Goat Boy? AC/DC voice? Please...stop. And oh Jim we get it! You've got two lazy eyes which make you look stoned all the time...OOOOHHHH! I'd like to take one of those silly pizzas you're peddling on TV and shove it hot out of the oven down your throat until you suffocate on cheese. JACKPOT!

#2 Larry the Cable Guy. Here we have a guy, who pretends (yes he does!) to be a redneck. It was a genius move, but I feel it's a little Milli Vanilli. Besides that, it got tired when he was still doing it on talk radio in Florida 10 years ago. Only the lowest common denominator of people think this guy is funny. Git er done? I'd Git er done with a shotgun and a shovel...which incidentally are the only tools Larry needs to have a meal. The shotgun to kill it and shovel to spoon the raw racoon into his gaping speak hole.

#3 Carlos Mencia. Here's a case of the stereotype fitting the person...and yet NOT fitting the stereotype. If he WAS in fact Mexican you could argue that he fits the stereotype because all he does is steal other people's material. But he's NOT...he's Honduran, and his first name is Ned. Sure his mother was Mexican, but he probably has only been there to do washed up standup for drunk teens in Cancun. This man stole material from Bill Cosby...Bill COSBY! No wonder he doesn't have a show anymore...I wish that Joe Rogan (a fellow comedian and badass martial arts master) would rip this guy a new asshole and shove a lowrider up there.

#4 Frank Caliendo. In the beginning, Frank came along and gave us a "spot-on" impersonation of John Madden, and it was good. Then we got a marginally good impersonation of Al Pachino, and we chuckled. Then we got some poor impersonations of William Shatner and George Bush, and suddenly, Frank Caliendo got old. Want me to prove this dried up turd of a human isn't funny...just watch any episode of Frank TV...it's like watching the Tsunami...a total disaster and no laughing matter.

#5 Dane Cook. Mr Edgy himself. Oh he's hip, he's cool! He's got his finger on the pulse of a new generation. MY ASS! This guy isn't edgy, he does bad romantic comedies for GODSAKE! If he's all dark and edgy why in the wide wide world of sports is he doing romantic comedies with Jessica Simpson? Riddle me this Mr. Dane Cook...how many fingers am I holding up right now? Hint: it ain't two like you...it's a bit less...

Got a suggestion for a dragging? Let me know, there's always room for a few more under the bus.

Lars T.