No man can serve two masters...

Hi, I'm Lars Tennyson, that's all. Any other terms used to describe me by others in order to fit me into some category or class are important only to those people using them and are not important to me. I recognize only One Authority above myself, and it isn't a government, group or person. Anything that inserts itself between me and the Creator is a false authority deriving its power from the ignorant and the blind. I will not be lead by the blind nor by the ignorant. Will you?

“Hey Eckhart! Think about the future!”

Technology is moving fast, and I was thinking about how soon we'll be so inundated by technology that we will start forgetting that we actually started out as a hunter/gatherer species. This summer I spent a lot of time helping my brother to tend his garden and take care of his pigs/chickens/turkeys and it got me thinking about the dichotomy of an agrarian life versus one of technology. As the country slowly sinks deeper into this recession coming closer and closer to imminent disaster and collapse it brought me to an interesting idea. Since technology is dependent on infrastructure to maintain it, if that infrastructure was suddenly to collapse what would I do? I think many Americans would suddenly find their lives in complete ruins. In fact I believe that future technologies may actually hurt humanity's chances at survival. In addition, the fact is that technology is starting to become TOO invasive; cameras everywhere; too much information about us online; the rise of "security" for protection, etc. I read recently about a city in Mexico that was installing "Iris" eye scanning tech everywhere to reduce crime...the spokesman for the company said that he believed that this would be universal in 10-15 years. I don't know about you people but this idea scares the shit out of me. SO, my idea is simple, I am starting a Neo-Quaker movement, that refuses to accept new technology past 2010 without first bringing it before a committee and discussing its value to mankind. If it is deemed to be more harmful than good we will refuse to use it on the grounds that our bodies are the shell of our souls and we wish that nothing shall come between us and God. I am currently in the planning stages of this and look forward to getting more people on board. I am tired of trading my freedoms for more security, and I'm tired of technology making us forget thousands of years of man's development. I want to get back to nature in a positive way, allowing me to both live as man has always lived, while still being able to appreciate aspects of our technological advancement. More outdoors, more gardening, more living off the land while reducing my need to pick vegetables at the grocery store, or buy food laden down with harmful chemicals. Progress has its place, and it shouldn't be at the cost of my humanity.

Its time Mr. Smith...

I have finally begun to take photos of my LEGO Collection/creations...I am upgrading my camera/lighting to attain the best resolution possible...More bulletins as events warrant...Stay tuned, or check face book, for now...

I did know something you didn't, but just not that...

I got nothing, which in Zen terms is the point...I have been lazy, and preoccupied, and as a result my posts to this nonexistent BLOG have disappeared. The truth hurts, but also heals. A decent contradiction if you think about it. Regardless, there is much to say, even more to do, and an infinite amount of things to contemplate. That was always the point. It took pure unadulterated evil to remind me of what I was doing here and why. Weird...Nevertheless, if I can stumble across a blond girl masturbating at 90 M.P.H. whilst driving down the Interstate, then like Kevin Garnett, Anything is Possible...So what does this mean? I have had a very bizarre and somehow interesting life to this point, and it should be written down for others to laugh at, be disgusted by, cry for, vomit because of, or generally be entertained by ONE of 6.6 billion people on this rock floating around the giant nuclear furnace in the sky, more commonly known as the Sun. It would be selfish and borderline evil of me, if I were to hoard my own tomfoolery to myself. A vast majority of my life experiences don't happen to "normal" people, and by normal I mean everyone on the planet but me [Ha Ha]. In all seriousness, with as many times as I have told the tales of my spirit journey through life, the reaction is pretty much the same: "That doesn't happen to anyone else." or "How do you get into these situations?" and my personal favorite, "Only you, Mr. Smith, only you..." Therefore, I will begin to document, loosely, the random events that spice up my existence, plague me like a swarm of hostile locusts, and all points in between. I have known some great storytellers in my day, but no one could make up the the menagerie of of events that have made up my life to this point. So in the light of entertainment, education, and prevention, the coffee table book will be coming to a bookstore near you very soon...I dare you to make less sense.
"Fat girls need love to, just not from us..." - Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots

Where have I been?

Good question...The beauty of our system of "justice" threw me in jail for 30 days because of a computer operating system switch over...never mind that I had done nothing wrong, and followed virtually every rule imposed upon me by the Dept. of Child Enforcement, even though no one can tell me where my daughter is, why I can't see her, or where the money I been paying all along for child support is going. I did not find this out until 10 hours from being released. Awesome.

Anywho, I owe much to a few people for helping me through aforementioned crisis, and will be posting more tomfoolery soon in their honor. Until then...

"Captain's log, Stardate 28JAN10, thank the sweet Lord above, that stardate 09 is over..."

Retro Comedy Review

Sitting around on a Saturday night can get a guy thinking. I was watching an old comedy on the computer and reminiscing about the good old days when it occurred to me to do some movie reviews for the blog. I decided to take a different slant though and review some of the classic "under-the-radar" comedies by some of Hollywood's most respected comedians. As follows is a list of movies that I highly recommend watching for the first time or dusting off and checking out again. These aren't the movies that got these guys noticed, but on Betamax these were comedic gold.

1. Armed and Dangerous (John Candy): Better known for films like Uncle Buck and The Great Outdoors, Armed and Dangerous is actually my favorite film starring John Candy. Teamed up with Eugene Levy, and co-starring a young and cute Meg Ryan, the story follows an ex-cop and a disgraced lawyer who get involved with a security company to make ends meet. Watching Candy and Levy together is a riot, they really act well against each other. Their hijinks lead them to uncover some crazy plot and they're forced to figure it out or die trying.

Lars T. Rating out of 100%: 87%

2. Running Scared (Billy Crystal): At the height of the "buddy cop" phenomenon of the 1980s Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines team up for an action comedy that few could imagine when thinking about these two. You've got a midget Jew and a tap dancing black guy who both manage to pull off convincing Chicago cops with style and humor. While Crystal's career moved on to movies like When Harry Met Sally and his unforgettable cameo as Miracle Max in The Princess Bride, I will always look fondly on his portrayal of the plucky smart mouthed Danny Costanzo in Running Scared and dream silently about the sequel that should've been but never was.

Lars T. Rating out of 100%: 92%

3. Club Paradise (Robin Williams, et al.) An ensemble cast make this rarely remembered gem worth watching. Robin Williams stars as retired fireman Jack Moniker, who makes his way to the islands for the easy life only to fall head over heels into all kinds of mayhem and hilarity. Compared to his subsequent work this movie almost makes Williams look like a normal human being and not a coked out schizophrenic character of himself. Great reggae music, costarring an actually funny Peter O'Tool, a young Rick Moranis, and Eugene Levy, it's a movie I can actually watch over and over and not get tired of.

Lars T. Rating out of 100%: 90%


4. Bowfinger (Steve Martin): I know this movie isn't that old but I really think it doesn't get enough credit. Starring Martin and Eddie Murphy, this movie is really a good contemporary film by two actors who by all other accounts forgot how to be funny after 1991. In 1999 this movie was so unexpectedly good that most people just didn't even see it...after all, Murphy had just done the UN-funny Dr. Doolittle and Holy Man, while Martin had done the equally retch inducing Father of the Bride II and Sgt. Bilko. Bowfinger was a fresh cool comedy about a nearly-over-the-hill director who wants to make his masterpiece before his Hollywood time runs out. Yes, it's easy to say that Eddie Murphy steals the show, however I really enjoyed Steve Martin's performance as Bobby Bowfinger...his easy comedic style was a welcome departure from his more over-the-top performances (see The Pink Panther etc.)

Lars T. Rating out of 100%: 95%

5. The Adventures of Bob & Doug McKenzie: Strange Brew (Rick Moranis/Dave Thomas): Before there were the movies Half Baked, Beer Fest and the host of other movie-to-get-wasted-by there was Strange Brew. This is a movie about two loser brothers who couldn't find their way out of a wet paper sack, do nothing but drink beer and eat donuts, and yet somehow manage to make us all laugh and enjoy a rather bland looking movie (supposed to be Canadian so I guess BLAND is the way to go). Just a lot of fun watching Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas act like sloshed idiots...this movie made the word "Hoser" popular...if you don't know what a hoser is it means most likely you are one.

Lars T. Rating out of 100%: 88%

OK...go to Netflix and order these movies.

Other notable, not-so-famous comedies to check out include:
Fletch Lives (Chevy Chase) I thought this was a good sequel, but apparently I'm in the minority
PCU (Jeremy Piven) Great 90s college movie, pre-American Pie and Van Wilder bullcrap.
Airheads (Brendan Fraser, Steve Buscemi, Adam Sandler)...dumb funny, but worth watching.
Trading Places (Akroyd and Murphy) just in case you forgot about this one. A Classic!
Pure Luck (Martin Short and Danny Glover) shut up I liked it!

Lars T.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway. -Eric Idle