The Sickness of Anticipation

I don't know about anyone else, but before I do something monumental I generally get this feeling of impending doom in my stomach. It's nervous energy I know and I should most likely just try to ignore it, but I got to thinking where genetically does this come from?

Evolution, whether one believes it or not, means that genetically we carry the latent instincts of our ancestors...I like to think that the feeling I have right now might be linked back to those ancient people who felt this way before a big hunt, or a migration to warmer parts of the world. I'm getting ready to go on a road trip, one that I have made several times before, however I don't ever look forward to it and knowing that I will have to drive back in a week or so doesn't help either. It needs to happen though, as it's been nearly two years since I've gone and I really need to see my family.

I'm at a crossroads in my life. I know that I need to get things going again, however I'm finding it difficult to "get back up on the horse". I know that this area of the country isn't the best place for me to find work and yet the thought of going elsewhere doesn't appeal to me. In much the same way that I feel right now about my little road trip, I know that I would feel exactly the same way only ten times worse if I have to uproot myself and restart my life somewhere else. Comfort ranks high on my list of priorities, and unfortunately that comfort often comes at the price of stability...I know that sounds weird but I will often put myself into a bad situation rather than upset the apple cart.

I guess perhaps the sickness of anticipation is also the fear of the unknown and the leap of faith that goes along with any significant choice.

Lars T.

Since we fear most that which is unknown to us, defining moments of change occur when we choose to know our fear. -Lee J. Colan

Death and Taxes

If one were to believe that anything is possible and the desires of the heart were only waiting for the effort of the mind and body to achieve them, then wouldn't this world be in a lot better shape than it is right now? I don't want to be a downer, but it seems in these most trying of times one cannot hope to proclaim that "all is well" when clearly it is not. Be that as it may, I think that although things may be grim, it is always in one's best interest to look towards a brighter future. After all isn't that what the politicians have been doing for centuries? It seems to me that every politician always seems to say that better days are just around the corner and that although we are experiencing hard times, we need only make it just a little further to reap the rewards of a better tomorrow. Simply put, the elusive goal of happiness is always ahead of you so keep striving and you will achieve it.

But looking ahead what do we as normal people have to look forward to? We work, we get older, we work some more, try to save and invest, all in an attempt to reach some magic number, whereby we can cast off the shackles of employment and enjoy the golden years of our lives in relative comfort. It's BULLSHIT! I can't for one moment believe that God/the Universe had this in mind when it all started. We spend all of the good years of our lives under the yoke of oppression, paying in roughly one quarter of our wages to Uncle Sam, then when we're used up and on the downward slide, we get to enjoy life...what kind of an asshole scheme is that? And we can't get out of the system early, because if we do we get a penalty tax of 20%...who the fuck would agree to this kind of slavery?!

I don't like to swear but to me it seems more and more likely as the days go by that if given enough time I will most likely stay poor because the path to financial stability is paved with luck and timing. Some people would have you believe that hard work is the key to sucess, however I maintain that luck and timing are the keys to success more than hard work because what ditch digger that you can name ever made a fortune just by working hard? The Japanese work extraordinarily hard at everything, yet most business men there achieve middle management status and a 500 square foot apartment, which they never see because in order to stay competative they have to sleep at work...

If this is what we strive for then let me off the bus now...I want out of this system before I die prematurely, just as poor as I already am. The government gets over 25% of your money, and look at how well they have managed that money. Liberals hate war, and we go to war, conservatives hate increased social programs for lazy people, and yet we have more social programs...America, this is your life...get ready to die...or die trying.

It amazes me that 100 years ago before taxation became the status quo, that the USA was the most powerful nation on earth, we had no standing army yet somehow we were able to protect ourselves...we generally minded our own business, and so other nations didn't mind us so much, we led the world in innovation, invention, production and growth. Look at us now...we're a house of cards stacked too high, waiting for the slightest breeze to topple the facade. Trillions in debt, our government asks more and more of us, and still outspends their budget of OUR money.

I gotta wonder how dizzy the founding fathers are spinning in their graves as they do?

Ideas, and the inabilty to make it happen.

So I came up with an idea for a money making Iphone app that I thought would be cool and fun, however lacking the skills to create said app, the Iphone, and a Mac, I guess I'll just have to keep it to myself and see how long it takes for the app to appear from somewhere else. Seems as of late whenever I think of something cool either someone else has already done it without my knowledge, or it's going to be done very soon and I missed my window of opportunity.

For example, back in 1998ish I had this crazy idea to make a movie about a town above the Arctic Circle in Alaska where vampires go for the winter and basically get the run of the place for 20 hours a day. I was going to make it a horror film and call it Darkness Alaska. Well low and behold just this year "30 Days of Night" comes out and BANG! just one more good idea usurped. Now I know it's based on a graphic novel, but I don't know how old that is, but you get my point...I don't follow through on stuff and someone else gets the pay off. I'm not saying "30 Days of Night" was a good movie, but it stands to reason that somebody made money somewhere along the line...

I have to work on my follow-through. Finishing is just as important if not more so than starting..after all if someone starts but fails to finish, then why waste the time at all. Effort needs pay off. This little co-op digital journal that Mr. Smith and I have started is an attempt at try to follow-through on something...anything, and work our way towards something bigger and better.

"When you take that bus, you get there." -Tone Def (Fear of a Black Hat)

I'd also like to apologize to A.Smith, seems like whenever he's writing something and gets it posted, I'm also working on a new post, which puts me back at the top of the page. Forgive me oh great one, for we must think alike, with you just out in front of me.

Jubei...Kibagami, Jubei...

What ever it is that makes me A Smith [no pun intended], brought me in to existence on the side of a mountain somewhere in the Himalayas. My mother being alone with newborn and running a fever of 105-106, certainly would have perished if not for the two monks/Sherpas that found her in distress [to say the very least]. Or so the story goes...Regardless, she was a "free spirit"? who became deathly ill before/during/after I was born, and some how ended up in the neighborhood of Nepal, Tibet [Fuck you China, you know exactly what you did...], India, and Bangladesh [not sure on that one]. Due to the extremely heavy Buddhist influence, I'm quite certain [I checked with Detective 27] the ballpark of conception was Tibet or Nepal, with the only way she could have been inside of Tibet, was through ninja magic. The only two people who will ever know exactly, are the aforementioned rescuers, for I was barely completing my first trip around the Sun [9-10 months old], and my mother was freely hallucinating from dying, and Buddha knows what else [sorry, could not stop myself]. So I have faith that the sane and extremely intelligent, but also switched on woman that safely brought me here was indeed telling me the truth decades before she lost her way and ceased to be my mother. I realized, as many ninjas do [Asian or otherwise], that she was part of my objective, and once she ceased to be relevant, I never existed with her again. I just couldn't proverbially kill her, because that was not part of the mission, never mind I would have been doing her and the planet a gigantic favor. Plus, out of the chaos that consumed her came the most awesome thing I had ever seen: my sibling [would probably prefer to remain anonymous, just in case...]. So I took what information and memories I needed on the subject of mother with me and never returned.

Having quested through out the Asian continent, and the human mind, I was always happy that I was able to be immersed in what is now [almost] a daily part of my life, in the region from which it was born [so to speak]. From Kung Fu, to Samurais, and all Ninjas in between, I was heavy on building my knowledge base, and theoretical application of Zen, Buddhism, and Ninjas. I had already gorged myself on more cultural stew than the black hole at the center of my stomach could handle [not really, but close]. It left me with free time to wander aimlessly [just a tad] in my head, at which point it dawned on me that Ninjas were not black pajamas and rooftop shenanigans, as so many civilians are led to believe, but in fact, a way of mental life. Granted Ninjas due often were dark clothing, and extremely skilled at high altitude combat, and of course the ever popular assassinating for gold is key, but besides all that, you can apply Ninjitsu [mental and physical] to everything you do, from wiping your derriere, to pulling a 4 inch nail out of some one's brain without killing them. Point A to point B. Obviously that is not how it always goes, hence the path of the linear circle. Ninja only wants to successfully complete the contract, what ever it may be, with minimal resistance, and no needless abuse of the land or it's pedestrian inhabitants. Point A to point B, and Back again to collect what is due. But complications, hostilities, confusion, and a host of adversaries can arise without any notice, and so the straight line becomes horribly skewed and runs all over making it hard to keep things in focus, and achieve the appropriate perception of the start and finish of the entire event. But ultimately Ninja returns to the finish, and despite whatever twists and turns were thrown his way, if you take the body of work and lay it on its side, the complicated and jumbled tangents he faced [circles], disappear, and only a the results remain, point A to point B [line]. His target is sometimes swift and effortless, but more often it is ridiculously abrupt, and borderline quixotic. Still, Ninja adapts, overcomes, and damage controls his mission [path] and lives to contemplate another day of secret ninja bullshit...

I have by no means come as close as I think I am capable of coming, to said Ninja enlightenment, but in my 30 plus trips around the Sun, I have experienced many things that defy rational or conventional thought. Some good, some very bad, some neither here nor there. I do know that they all had one thing in common which was that all 8 senses were affected, including coherent and subconscious thought. So perhaps I am still alive [knock on wood] to try and make sense of it. Maybe at some point down my own path of linear circles, something I say will be a catalyst that I/the world needs, to pull its collective head out of it's ass. Or not.

Call it God, Allah, Science, The Universe, What Ever the Fuck You Want, until the Shit hits the Planetary Fan, we will never truly understand what set existence into motion. We did not create ourselves/ancestors nor the world we inhabit, and so therefore it is all the same. We all bleed red. We all die. We all require fundamentally the same fuel to survive. Better tan? Funny sounding Deity? Place of Birth? If you are going to screw the pooch [Chuck Yeager], at least be able to half ass explain yourself. Seriously. Racism and Religious genocide? That was your big plan? We will talk soon enough...

A Child Will Lead You...

Why is it whenever I watch a science fiction television series there is inevitably an episode with children who have formed a society without adults. Is this some secret of the genre that must be revealed time and time again? And why is it that the adults who find this civilization/culture/group must introduce the kids to the "real world" shattering their fragile existence with rules and authority? I don't have the answer, but it irks me to see these formulaic themes being rehashed again and again in a genre that prides itself on being original and fantastic. I theorize that somewhere in an underground bunker in the hills of Hollywood there is a secret group of writers that take ideas and decide how best to drive a theme into the ground while maintaining that it's a "new" concept. And for that matter, what is it with television anyway? I understand that there is a limit to the number of things that can be made into decent programming on TV, but for all that's holy I can't understand why we need 1200 programs devoted to police, or hospitals, or some kind of crime solving unit. Where has all the original programming gone? I have hundreds of channels and lately I don't think I have been getting my money's worth of programming. I watch exactly 4 hours of scheduled television a week; Deadliest Catch, Burn Notice, Warehouse 13, and Eureka. Granted it's the off season for network television, but still, I have the HD, DVR, Digital Cable and I don't even use it enough to justify the hefty price tag. To be honest I watch more TV by renting it on Netflix.

So with all the channels I should be able to find something to watch when I turn on the tube (funny, not many TVs are tube anymore...wonder if the next generation will even say tube...) but I can't...a child can turn on the TV and find something no problem...how many kid channels are there now...5...6? And yet when I was a kid and wanted to watch TV it was from 2-5PM weekdays and Saturday morning, that's it. So as a kid I wasn't satisfied with TV and now as an adult I am not satisfied. On top of all of this, why is it that 95% of the time when I turn on the TV it's during a commercial break? And why is it when I change the channel during a commercial break I generally find commercials on all of the channels?

They are screwing us...I think it's time to toss the cable box back to its owners and reclaim a little of the wasted cash. When I was a kid I did things when the TV wasn't showing something I wanted to watch...time to get more of that other stuff going again.

Lars T.

"The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little." -Ray Bradbury

Lazy Sunday

Time and myself have been battling each other since, the beginning of me. With an average work week consisting of a Monday through Friday layout, Sunday was always my day to relax, and forget all about time. Plus, being an avid sports fan, Sundays were always jam packed with something sports related [as a youngster Barkley was key, long story]. Two birds with one stone! And at the end of each Sunday, I would reflect on my week, or a particular day or event, and plan for the next week, as much as anyone can...So Lars T. and I thought Sundays would be a good day to reflect, in an expansive dialogue covering random/specific/abstract/mundane topics. It may be entertaining, or it may be offensive, or all points in between, but either way it will, or should, make you contemplate on your own level. In a good way, I hope...Is this a weekday? What day is this? [the Dude]

Moving Right Along...

I thought that I would jot something down again. We were sitting down last night trying to get A. Smith's account set up as a team member for the blog, which brought up angry thoughts about one of my pet peeves...Why the hell does it take forever and a day to set up a free account? Email, Email Confirm, Password, Password Confirm, Secret Question, Secret Answer, Word Jumble, etc etc. I swear by the time the people who set this crap up are done "securing" us we'll be forced to win a game of scrabble, complete the math section of the SATs with a minimum score of 500, and be able to recite the preamble to the Declaration of Independence...all for a free blog account...I'll be honest, I don't care if someone hacks my blog...it's not a huge concern to me. Firstly because I don't think I'm that important (yet) and secondly because it isn't like I am throwing down with literary genius and my words need to be guarded for posterity.

Every day I feel like I have to jump through one more hoop, maneuver around one more obstacle and make just a bit more effort...all for the sake of "security" or in a larger sense,"securing my freedoms". Let me ask a question...isn't the opposite of security actually freedom? If you secure something then let it go, aren't you freeing it? Are our freedoms being "secured" and are we actually losing our freedoms? Shouldn't everyone be saying "we're ensuring your freedom"? It's an interesting thought...

Just another case of the man trying to get you down.

Lars T.

He's no good to me dead...

I did not enlist in The Navy for shits and giggles. I did it because I love America, despite it's flaws, and all that was sacrificed to make it [at one point] the greatest country on Earth. The soldiers and sailors who paid the ultimate price to ensure that we would live out our days in freedom, would certainly not be pleased with how the Government has railroaded us into some Science Fiction based nightmare of Fascism disguised as the Federal Reserve. Seriously? Bankers? That is who is running the show, Senior citizens [use that term very lightly] so corrupt and greedy that Ebeneezer Scrooge himself would be put to shame [before unnecessary epiphany]. And yet, all the robots/drones/automatons [sheep] gladly say yes sir and no sir, and here is the money I have no choice but to line your pockets with, because failure to comply results in incarceration [unless you are rich, and then you are more than likely part of the problem] or worse. Old men who are so self absorbed, that the mathematics of the the whole process are lost on their abhorrent minds. They really believe that they can continue to screw [use a harsher verb if so desired] the working class, which is who they are their to serve. They look the public in the eye and hand them a giant shit sandwhich, but refuse to take a bite, the whole while telling us is the new shit, the kind that doesn't smell foul, and does not contain E-coli. And bodies drop. One by one, groups, sometimes entire communities. But that's okay, according to the politicians and bureaucrats. Of course it's okay, for those stupid bastards [how stupid are they, they have all the money...sigh], because they have the power/money to force their will and /or agenda upon us [working class Americans]. Then the senile old people re-elect the same piles of rodent excrement, and the entire teacup ride at Disney starts all over again, except you never had a chance to get off the first time. So you get dizzy and nauseous, and decent hard working well trained/educated Americans stop being such. The father of a child no longer sees going to work everyday so some incompetent and inherently evil men and women can take a vast majority of their hard earned money [which is evil too, but sadly necessary] and spend it on what ever their black hearts desire. So why would dad want to play by the "rules"? It seems if he told the Government to violently anal rape itself, and turn to contract killing or professional drug smuggling, he would actually have the life he was guaranteed by the Constitution. But thank a random deity that the Phat Catz in D.C., no one except for them will ever reap the beauty that was once the United States of America [now known as the United Banks of Exploited Americans, or the enemy to 94% of the world]. 200+ years after Tomfoolery with the British, a few skirmishes here and there, a couple of World Wars, and Vietnam, and this is what America has to show for it? The entire world despises us [almost], Greedy old families [bankers] run our country, and no one wants to admit That FDR [douche bag President] was in fact a Nazi, or something just as sinister. Their was a point in my life where I would have bled on a blue and white flag, to keep the other stripes red [thank you Lawrence Fishburne]. Now I believe I should cut out the hearts of all the aforementioned A-holes, and spill their precious blood [money] on the flag to keep this ship on an even keel. Too many good people have gone well beyond the call of duty, and have nothing to show for it [soldiers returning from combat, to name one]. What happened to accountability? It was sucked into a black hole named the Federal Government, never to be seen again, until revolution [which needs to happen]. That was until the parking lot experience with Lars. After much dialouge we came to the decision that something at least needs to be said/published/blogged about the shenanigans that are the current state of this once mighty country. Words may be cheap, but if they can get people to pull their heads from out their asses, then that is far more precious than a dead tree with pictures, numbers, and signs sprayed all over it. Oh wait, thats right, i forgot. There is a bank in the afterlife where all your almighty currency is stored, so you can spend it for all enternity on any manner of indulgence you see fit. Makes about as much sense as "our" Government. No, it doesn't. I can't back that up...But I can go out of my way to articulate just how redundant and counterproductive the problems are. I got very little to do with my spare time at this point, so, let the games begin. To be continued [many times over]...

Starting Points

I stood outside with Mr. Smith tonight and discussed life, negativity and the purpose of fighting against the current. We decided that it was time to start putting our thoughts out in print. I postulated that if there was an audience somewhere not doing anything in particular, that they might enjoy listening to us rant in a random way about everything and nothing all at the same time. As life stands right now things aren't progressing in a way that we find acceptable and it needs to stop...or if it doesn't want to stop we need to at least keep track of it and work it out.

The country is in the toilet right now, and that's a shame, but there's not much to be done. People still will suck the fun out of everything, prices will go up and eventually we'll all get tired and find something equally destructive to do with our lives. In the interim we've decided to talk about the whole ball of wax, lighting upon every subject, like a bee moving from blossom to blossom, sampling the fine topics that general discourse lead to. As they say "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." It's time to see where A. Smith and Lars T. decide to go...around the block or halfway around the world. This is the first step...probably right into the shit, but hey...at least that would be something to talk about.