The Sickness of Anticipation

I don't know about anyone else, but before I do something monumental I generally get this feeling of impending doom in my stomach. It's nervous energy I know and I should most likely just try to ignore it, but I got to thinking where genetically does this come from?

Evolution, whether one believes it or not, means that genetically we carry the latent instincts of our ancestors...I like to think that the feeling I have right now might be linked back to those ancient people who felt this way before a big hunt, or a migration to warmer parts of the world. I'm getting ready to go on a road trip, one that I have made several times before, however I don't ever look forward to it and knowing that I will have to drive back in a week or so doesn't help either. It needs to happen though, as it's been nearly two years since I've gone and I really need to see my family.

I'm at a crossroads in my life. I know that I need to get things going again, however I'm finding it difficult to "get back up on the horse". I know that this area of the country isn't the best place for me to find work and yet the thought of going elsewhere doesn't appeal to me. In much the same way that I feel right now about my little road trip, I know that I would feel exactly the same way only ten times worse if I have to uproot myself and restart my life somewhere else. Comfort ranks high on my list of priorities, and unfortunately that comfort often comes at the price of stability...I know that sounds weird but I will often put myself into a bad situation rather than upset the apple cart.

I guess perhaps the sickness of anticipation is also the fear of the unknown and the leap of faith that goes along with any significant choice.

Lars T.

Since we fear most that which is unknown to us, defining moments of change occur when we choose to know our fear. -Lee J. Colan