Post-Holiday Let Down

Well the season has passed once again and we're stuck with a few more things for the thing collection and regret over the gluttony that we partook in. It's a sad diatribe that the end of the year has turned into a corporate driven binge fest, fueled by excessive spending, media blitzing and eager capitulation. We walk into Christmas each year the same exact way; eyes open with idiot grins on our faces, yet we often forget the real reasons for the holiday.

Yes Jesus was born (though Christmas itself had its December roots in Pagan winter solstice celebrations), and we should be thankful that he came into this world of sinners at all. Personally I wouldn't have the stomach to come here to die for some of the people out there, but I guess that's why he's the son of God and I'm just another schmuck.

Additionally this time of year should be thought of as a time for getting together with friends and family and being thankful for the interactions that we most often take for granted. So during this holiday season remember to take time to see/call your friends and family and thank them for being part of your life...we all need something to be thankful for this year, and it obviously isn't going to be provided by Uncle Sam.

If I don't talk to you until next year, have a great New Year. May 2010 be a prosperous and happy year for all.

Lars T.

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.
~Kate L. Bosher

In this time of giving...

Well it's December again and another year is coming to a close...wish that I could say that 2010 was going to be cool like it is in the movies but unfortunately it looks like it's going to be 2009 all over again (aka crapfest 2009 part 2). We've got an impending healthcare holocaust coming as early as February and frankly the jobs market hasn't turned around in the least from the recession (that they say is now over, but I believe is still shitting all over us). So in the spirit of looking towards a more positive future let's look at some technologies that we've been hearing about (some since the 1980s) and determine whether we'll be seeing them by 2020 (good round number, and if 2012 disaster happens I'm off the hook).

1- Levitation Vehicle (AKA the flying car)

This little gem has been promised to arrive as early as 1991 with a 100% probability. Ridiculous...So it's a flying car that seats 4 and takes off vertically and operates at speeds around 400 miles per hour and yet is as easy to operate as a video game controller. Let me note that in 2009 we had professionally trained airline pilots that overshot the airport by an hour's worth of time...and yet there are some idiots that actually believe flying cars for the general public are a good plan. I see this idea as being almost universally bad and unattainable. We have enough issues as a species thinking in 2 dimensions driving a car, upping the ante to full 3-dimensional movement is the pipe dream of the same idiots who ogle over Megan Fox, yet are too wrapped up in their online gaming to even go outside and meet any girls at all.

Lars T. probability for the future - 2.2%

2- Underwater Cities/Living

OK this one's possible and there are some resorts out there that are underwater. I find this one fascinating because it would be pretty cool to live underwater away from everyone else. Noise pollution is a thing of the past...pesky neighbors eliminated. Then I think about what a ship at the bottom of the ocean looks like a year after it sinks...you wouldn't be able to see out of your porthole after a month...unless you were out there cleaning all the time. And when you finally watch a fish take a shit in the water outside your living room and watch the turd slowly mist into the water you'll think twice about Fido's bad habits on your front lawn. Mowing doesn't sound so bad comparatively. As for this becoming a universal trend, I see it as unlikely to happen in the next 20 years.

Lars T. probability for the future - 15.8%

3- Corporate Countries

It's true that many multinational corporations make more money than many nations on earth and it's true that they influence governments and politicians, however they never out and out took over a nation like they did college Bowl Games. It would be cool to see something like "Honduras of GE" but I don't see it happening. Corporations would rather work outside the stifling realm of government, using their vast wealth to make us all suffer without taking any of the blame...perhaps floating corporate headquarters could happen in international waters...thus giving these corporate "nations" autonomy where they will be free to live like the pirates we already know them to be...raping us harshly at the checkout counter and on the high seas. ARRR!

Lars T. probability for the future - 11%

4- Biotech Implants (Computers in your head)

Yeah you can get an RFID tag put under your skin for tracking and some device control, however a fully integrated computer inside the head is unlikely to see the light of day for quite some time. The cyborg phenomenon is likely to stay "technology on the outside" for the time being. With the leaps in technology why would someone go under the knife to add hardware that will be outdated in 6 months...it wouldn't make sense. I don't see Steve Jobs or Bill Gates talking about the iHead and how it's going to revolutionize your life. Certain things can go into the body...your PC shouldn't be one of those things.

Lars T. probability for the future - 8.4%

5- Interactive Cyber Worlds (Virtual Reality VR)

We've got Second Life and World of Warcraft as the precursor to the future of gaming and Myspace and Facebook social networking. We can video conference and communicate across the Net like never before...adding these technologies together into a 3-dimensional interactive space is sure to be the next major leap, combining the aforementioned technologies into the first real interactive world. I hate the idea because I really hate most everyone out there...except you who are reading this right now (I like you marginally). Having to hook up with people in a virtual world sounds stupid because social networking isn't about meeting up with people, it's about sharing your idiotic life with them for as long as they're willing to look at your Tweets and Facebook Status updates. Screw you all I don't think you're funny!

Lars T. probability for the future - 31.7%

6- Grown body parts

With certain stem cell research being allowed by the government and scientists out growing human ears in labs it's a strong possibility that we'll all get new organs specially made for us down the road (that is if the new US healthcare plan doesn't tank everything straight to Hades). Smoked to much during your adult life and suffering from Cancer? Pull out those used up lungs and puff away puff away puff away home with and all new pair. Hell if they can put someones face on someone else and use stem cells to create body parts it's only a matter of time before your stuff will be developed while you wait. And I know you guys are thinking about your new wang...

Lars T. probability for the future - 75%

All in all the future still looks like a heaping bowl of cherry covered turds...Excelsior!

Lars T.

It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. -Yogi Berra